Nelson & His World

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 Post subject: Collingwood's letters to his daughters
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 4:06 pm 
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First of all I wish everyone on this forum and their loved ones a very good 2013. I hope your New Year’s wishes come true.

At the moment I am reading A selection from the public and private correspondence of Collingwood, volume 2.

These are letters written by Collingwood to his daughters. He obviously loved them dearly, but they are so full of/with strict rules, for instance how to write letters. He tells them to read mostly books from which they can learn.

Was it usual to be so stern and demanding to young women in that time, and was it usual as well to encourage them to learn so much. Or was it just Collingwood being such a father. I wonder what kind of women his daughters became when they were grown up women.

QUOTE
To his children

Ocean, on the sea, december 26, 1807
My dearest children,
A few days ago I received your joint letter, and it gave me much pleasure to hear that you were well, and I hope improving in your education. It is exactly at your age that much pains should be taken; for whatever knowledge you acquire now will last you all your lives. The impression which is made on young minds is so strong that it never wears out; whereas, every body knows how difficult it is to make an old snuff taking lady comprehend any thing beyond Pam or Spadille. Such persons hang very heavy on society; but you, my darlings, I hope will qualify yourselves to adorn it, to be respected for your good sense, and admired for your gentle manners. Remember that gentle manners are the first grace which a lady can possess. Whether she differ in her opinion from others, or be of the same sentiment, her expressions should be equally mild. A positive contradiction is vulgar and ill-bred; but I shall never suspect you of being uncivil to any person. I received Mrs ----’s letter, and am much obliged, to her for it. She taken a lively interest that you should be wise and good. Do not let her be disappointed. For me, my girls, my happiness depends upon it; for should I return to England, and find you less amiable then my mind pictures you, or then I have reason to expect, my heart would sink with sorrow. Your application must be to useful knowledge. Sarah, I hope, applies to geometry, and Mary makes good progress in arithmetic. Independently of their use in every situation in life, they are sciences so curious in their nature, and so many things that cannot be comprehended without them are made easy, that were it only to gratify a curiosity which all women have, and to be let into secrets that cannot be learned without that knowledge, it would be a sufficient inducement to acquire them. Then do, my sweet girls, study to be wise.


To the hon. Miss Collingwood
Ocean, at Malta, February 5, 1809
I received your letter, my dearest child, and it made me very happy to find that you and dear Mary were well, and taking pains with your education. The greatest pleasure amidst my toils and trouble, is in the expectation which I entertain of finding you improved in knowledge, and that the understanding which it has pleased God to give you both has been cultivated with care and assiduity. You future happiness and respectability in the world depend on the diligence with which you apply to the attainment of knowledge at this period of your life, and I hope that no negligence of your own will be a bar to your progress. When I write to you, my beloved child, so much interested am I that you should be amiable, and worthy of the friendship and esteem of good and wise people, that I cannot forbear to second and enforce the instruction which you receive, by admonition of my own, pointing out to you the great advantages that will result from a temperate conduct and sweetness of manner to all people, on all occasions. It does not follow that you are to coincide and agree in opinion with every ill judging person; but after shewing them your reason for dissenting from their opinion, your argument and opposition to it should not be tinctured by any thing offensive. Never forget for one moment that you are a gentlewoman; and all your words and all ;your actions should mark you gentle. I never knew your mother, -your dear, your good mother,- say a harsh of a hasty thing to any person in my life. Endeavour to imitate her. I am quick and hasty in my temper; my sensibility is touches sometimes with a trifle, and my expression of it sudden as gunpowder; but, my darling, it is a misfortune, which, not having been sufficiently restrained in my youth, has cause me much pain. It has, indeed, given me more trouble to subdue this natural impetuosity, than any thing I ever undertook. I believe that you are both mild; but if ever you feel in your little breast that you inherit a particle of your father’s infirmity, restrain it, and quit the subject that has caused it, until your serenity be recovered. So much for mind and manner; next for accomplishments. No sportsman ever hit a partridge without aiming at it; and skill is acquired by repeated attempts. It is the same thing in every art; unless you aim at perfection, you will never attain it; but frequent attempts will make it easy. Never, therefore, do any thing with indifference. Whether it be to mend a rent in your garment, or finish the most delicate piece of art, endeavour to do it as perfectly as it is possible. When you write a letter, give it your greatest care, that it may be as perfect in all its parts as you can make it. Let the subject be sense, expressed in the most plain, intelligible, and elegant manner that you are capable of. If in a familiar epistle you should be playful and jocular, guard carefully that your wit be not sharp, so as to give pain to any person; and before you write a sentence, examine it, even the words of which it is composed, that there be nothing vulgar or inelegant in them. Remember, my dear, that your letter is the picture of your brains; and those whose brains are a compound of folly, nonsense, and impertinence are to blame to exhibit them to the contempt of the world, or the pity of their friends. To write a letter with negligence, without proper stops, with crooked lines and great flourishing dashes, is inelegant; it argues either great ignorance of what is proper, or great ignorance of what is proper, or great indifference towards the person to whom it is addressed, and is consequently disrespectful. It make no amends to add an apology, for having scrawled a sheet of paper, of bad pens, for you should mend them; or want of time, for nothing is more important to you, or to which your time can more properly be devoted. I think I can know the character of a lady pretty nearly by her hand-writing. The dashes are all impudent, however they may conceal it from themselves or others; and the scribblers flatter themselves with the vain hope, that, as their letter cannot be read, it may be mistaken for sense. I am very anxious to come to England; for I have lately been unwell. The greatest happiness which I expect there, is to find that my dear girls have been assiduous in their learning.
Mary God Almighty bless you, my beloved little Sarah, and sweet Mary too.


To his daughters
Ville de Paris, Minorca, April 17, 1809
I received both your kind letters, and am much obliged for your congratulations on my being appointed Major-General of Marines. The King is ever good and gracious to me; and I dare say your both feel that gratitude to His Majesty which is due from us all, for the many instances of his favour which he has bestowed on me, and through me, on you. Endeavour, my beloved girls, to make yourselves worthy of them by cultivating your natural understandings with care. Seek knowledge with assiduity, and regard the instruction of Mrs. Moss, when she explains to you what those qualities are which constitute an amiable and honourable woman. God almighty has impressed on every breast a certain knowledge of right and wrong, which we call conscience. No person ever did a kind, a benevolent, a humane, or charitable action, without feeling a consciousness that it was good: it creates a pleasure in the mind that nothing else can produce; and this pleasure is the greater, from the act which causes it being veiled from the eye of the world. It is the delight such as angels feel when they wipe away the tear from affliction, or warm the heart with joy. On the other hand, no person ever did or said an ill natured, an unkind, or mischievous thing, who did not, in the very instant, feel that he had done wrong. This kind of feeling is a natural monitor, and never will deceive if due regard be paid to it; and one good rule, which you should ever bear in mind, and act up to as much as possible, is, never to say anything which you may afterwards wish unsaid, or do what you may afterwards wish undone.
The education of a lady, and, indeed, of a gentleman too, may be divided into three parts; all of great importance to their happiness, but in different degrees. The first part is the cultivation of the mind, that they may have a knowledge of right and wrong, and acquire a habit of doing acts of virtue and honour. By reading history you will perceive the high estimation in which the memories of good and virtuous people are held; the contempt and disgust which are affixed to the base, whatever may have been their rank in life.
The second part of education is to acquire a competent knowledge how to manage your affairs, whatever they may happen to be; to know how to direct the economy of your house; and to keep exact accounts of every thing which concerns you. Whoever cannot do this must be dependent on somebody else, and those who are dependent on another cannot be perfectly at their ease. I hope you are both very skilful in arithmetic, which, independently of its great use to every body in every condition of life, is one of the most curious and entertain sciences that can be conceived. The characters which are used, the 1, 2, 3, are of Arabic origin; and that by the help of these, by adding them, by subtracting or dividing them, we should come at last to results so far beyond comprehension of the human mind without them, is so wonderful, that I am persuaded that if they were of no real use, they would be exercised for mere entertainment; and it would be a fashion for accomplished people, instead of cakes and cards at their routs, to take coffee and a difficult question in the rule of three, or extracting the square root.
The third part is, perhaps, not less in value then the others. It is how to practise those manners and that address which will recommend you to the respect of strangers. Boldness and forwardness are exceedingly disgusting, and such people are generally more disliked the more they are known.; but, at the same time, shyness and bashfulness, and the shrinking from conversation with those with whom you ought to associate; are repulsive and unbecoming.
There are many hours in every person’s life which are not spent in any thing important; but it is necessary that they should not be passed idly. Those little accomplishments, as music and dancing, are intended to fill up the hours of leisure, which would otherwise be heavy on you. Nothing wearies me more than to see a young lady at home, sitting with her arms across, or twirling her thumbs, for want of something to do. Poor thing! I always pity her, for I am sure her head is empty, and that she has not the sense even to devise the means of pleasing herself. By a strict regard to Mrs. Moss’s instruction you will be perfected in all I recommend to you, and then dearly shall I love you! May God bless you both, my dearest children.

It is so sad he never saw them again.
Sylvia


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 Post subject: Re: Collingwood's letters to his daughters
PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 2:17 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:11 am
Posts: 1376
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Sylvia,

A very Prosperous 2013 to you too.

I wouldn't have thought that Collingwood's letters to his two daughters was anything out of the ordinary at that time, or indeed later, as I have read similar strictures from other parents to their offspring, although this was perhaps more often directed at sons. I think such correspondence would normally have come from those of the middle class and above and certainly, in the case of daughters, the hope was that they would become accomplished on many levels and thus be more eligible in the finding of a suitable husband.

It is interesting to note that the first two letters were written from Collingwood's then flagship Ocean and the later one, dated April 17th 1809, from his last the Ville de Paris. He knew of course that he was ill, the illness taking a turn for the worse in the latter year, and there would appear to be a hint of this in his letters, although of course he does not actually say as much. (It was also in 1809 that he lost his beloved Bounce overboard, which no doubt made him even feel even worse, but I think this may have been later than his last letter.) He may also have had a sense that he would not be relieved, thus being unable to return home, and so wished to write as much as he could on the subject of their education to Sara and Mary, with an explanation of his reasoning, should he not see them again. That, sadly, is course what happened and he died, perhaps almost cruelly, on his way home in March 1810. (Given the country was at war, I still get the impression that the Admiralty could be somewhat unfeeling on occasion!)

I haven't yet found out that much about the two daughters. Sarah was born in 1792, and Mary I think the following year, so they would have been 15 and 14 respectively in 1807, and thus approaching marriagable age. I would imagine that Collingwood was only doing what any good parent of the time, and in that class, would have done. If the information I have is correct, both of the girls married – Sarah on May 30th, 1816, when she married George Lewis Newnham, and Mary to Anthony Denny, although I have as yet not found a date for her marriage. Both had children, and of course there are living descendants. Sarah died on November 25th, 1851, and Mary rather earlier on September 18th, 1828. I believe Sarah's husband agreed to change his name to George Lewis Newnham Collingwood, out of respect for the admiral and due to the fact that his name would have died with him, since he had no male heir. I'm sure some of Collingwood's strictures stood them in good stead. I hope this helps.

Note to self, I must buy Max Adams book! :wink:

_________________
Kester.


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